Tuesday, April 3, 2012

RAD moments 2

The more I relax, the more my RAD child relaxes.  She literally reflects my emotions to me at nearly all times.  It is scary sometimes.  Sure, she has her own emotions and free will, but typically she is right with me.

When I am angry, she is angry.  When I am sad, she is sad.  When I am stressed... you get the picture.

And the energy it takes to raise an RAD kid - a LOT!  IT is exhausting just to get to school some days.  Going to bed at a decent hour, or even taking a shower is like asking the child to cut off her right arm for me.

But, when I truly let go, and let the natural consequences teach her the lessons of life, I am a lot calmer, and she picks up the responsibility!  Imagine that!

Perhaps it's because the parents waited so long to have children that they develop a level of anxiety about parenting.  The (usually) unconscious thought is, ",...I waited 6 years for your arrival, and paid over $15,000 for your adoption, and I'm not about to screw this up!"

That's why I love the Love and Logic group.  They teach about empathy, and having a good relationship with your kids.  They teach about self-care for the parent, and how to allow natural consequences to be the teacher.

Can you relate?

2 types of Reactive Attachment Disorders

The two types of RAD are Inhibited and Disinhibited.  Here are the symptoms of each:

Inhibited:  This child can be quite resistant to hugs, touch, pushing other away, ignoring them, or even acting out in aggression when others try to get close.  The child is emotionally detached from relationships and is very withdrawn.  Though aware of what is going on around him or her, she does not respond or react to it.

Disinhibited:  The child seeks comfort and affection from almost anyone, except the parents.  This child can approach complete strangers, be very charming, and even crawl up into the person's lap.  This child acts much younger, emotionally, than his or her chronological age, and can appear very anxious.

My child seems to display both, at varying times.  Though she's never crawled into a stranger's lap, she does act emotionally younger than her chronological age (at times).  She definitely pushes away her father and me (her adoptive mother), and has to decide when she's good and ready for hugs and affection.  It always has to be on her timing.

Her anxiety shows when she's new to an event or place, and truly dislikes being the center of attention.  She gets fearful of things that younger children have outgrown, like, fear of snakes, or more recently, ordering her own food at a restaurant.

Which type does your child display?  How so?